Wake up Sleepy Head
by Soul Keeper of Toast
Summary: When a young Twilight fan drinks Root Beer before bed what will become of her fanastys of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan? With insane people running everwhere, I hope you don't lose any brain cells. If you do, join the club. Read and Review please.
1. Where'd Bella go again?

**Randomest thing ever, I'm sorry. **

I was walking down the street holding Edward's hand as he jumped up. Before he could answer my quizzical stare, Edward's razor appeared to his ear. His topaz orbs darkened into coal black.

"Bella…" He snapped the cell phone shut and held me tighter. I faced him seeing the concern written on his face. I put my palm to his icy face. I could tell he was debating on telling me or not.

"Edward, what's wrong?" My voice was strained.

"The Voltouri are looking for you… So I'm going to hide you in the safest place possible!" Edward grinned, his voice was cocky.

"Um… where would that be?" I pressed, suspicious. A grin was wide across his face as Edward pulled me to the unknown destination.

The Cullens' house came into view, showing off all it's glory. Instead of heading towards the front door, I noticed we were running in the direction of the garage. Soon enough we were standing behind his shiny volvo.

"Edward, I'm confused." I whispered, slightly afraid. Edward's cheesy grin told me he was fine. More than fine.

The beep of the car's trunk made me jump. Edward picked me up with one hand and put me in the vacant space. He winked.

"You'll be safe in here, love." Was the last thing I heard before darkness clouded my vision.

"What…?" I squeaked.

**Third Person POV **

Two weeks had past. Everything was gentle in the Cullen clan. Jasper and Emmett were dueling to the death over a cookie. Carlisle was reading in his study while Esme was cleaning the kitchen filled with cookie crumbs. Alice was playing video games with Edward. Rosalie? Well no one has seen her since she was eye raped by the butler in the Speedo from The Parent Trap.

"I. Will. Beat. You. Edward." Alice yelled through her clenched jaw. She glared at the TV.

"You wish." Edward grinned. Their hands fumbled furiously across the controller while playing Pokemon Battle Frontier. **(Just wondering, is that a real game? Oo)**

"GOD DAMMIT!" Edward screeched as Alice killed his Charzard.

"My pokemon cards bring all the boys to the yard and their like you wanna play cards? Damn right I wanna play cards. I'll beat you cuz I have a Charzard." Alice sang changing into a cheerleader.

Jasper ran in his mouth filled with a cookie. He clapped and whistled. Alice grinned and pulled him up stairs. Just then Emmett bolted through the wall.

"WHERE IS THAT COOKIE STEALING BASTARD?!" He roared. Edward laughed.

"Jasper is in his room with Alice." Edward hinted with obvious winking. Unfortunately for Emmett his mind failed to register and swarmed up the stairs.

Edward slouched and look blankly at the "Game Over" sign on the TV. As he sighed another door opened. Rosalie came in shivering.

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..it jiggled….." She muttered wrapped in a blanket. Instantly she regained her senses. "Edward where's Bella?" Edward's smile batted away.

"HOLY F-" His scream was interrupted by Emmett's high pitched girl scream. "HOLY MOTHER OF GOOOOOOOD!!!" Emmett bellowed. Alice cried out and Jasper yelled in anger.

"I told him not to go in their room…" Edward smiled, amused. Rosalie hit Edward in frustration. She cleared her throat. Edward turned to her sheepishly.

"How long has it been since January 1st?" He whispered.

"2 weeks." Rosalie replied.

"Yup she's dead." Edward said calmly. Rosalie blinked. "WHY CRUEL WORLD DID YOU TAKE HER FROM ME??!?!" Edward screamed. Rosalie backed away to where ever she was before.

A young woman named Miku sat up in her bed with an odd expression clutching the base of her throat.

"That was…." Her sluggish yet surprised voice trailed off. "No more Root Beer before bed…" She shook her head and fell out of the bed snoring.

FIN!

**Yeah well I couldn't help it. I'm so evil for making you read this :D oh well your funeral! No pun intended…**


	2. A Shrink's Life

**Again, another random story. This isn't my best, actually I'm a horrible writer but anyways ON WITH IT...**

We all know that Emmett's find is the dark alley of disgust, right? Well a couple of times we nearly had to hospitalize poor Edward as Rosalie and Emmett's relationship became more… intimate. So we've hired a brave young soldier to solve his issues.

The lanky girl with cropped blonde hair slipped on her unneeded glasses over her emerald eyes. She wore PJ's and sat in an office spinney chair. Across from her sat the bulky vampire we all know and love. Emmett was lying on a long crimson couch toying with his fingers. The room was decorated hardly enough to drive Alice insane. A door and walls was the only thing there besides the seats and millions of beanie babies.

"Hello Emmett, what are you doing here?" The girl asked. Emmett grinned.

"My brothers don't enjoy my behavior." He replied. The girl raised her eyebrows.

"Did they tell you to say this?" She said wryly.

"Maybe…"

"Well, anyway my name his Miss Laura." Laura smiled. "Wanna beanie baby?" Emmett squealed with joy as he jumped into the pile. He swam through it and found the prefect hairy creature. A bear. Then he wrestled it.

"Issues with bears?" Laura muttered. Emmett nodded.

"Yeah one killed me."

"WHAT?!" Laura twitched. "Come here." Emmett held his bear tightly and crawled over. Something crunched in his pouched.

"What's that in your pocket?" The shrink inquired. Emmett lifted it up to show none other than a cookie.

"I was preserving it for the long winters end." Emmett narrowed his eyes.

As on cue Jasper smashed through the couch.

"THAT'S MY COOKIE!" Jasper huffed.

"AFTER YOU COUGHED IT OUT IT WAS MINE!" Emmett cried defensively.

"Oh BRING IT OOOOON!" Jasper yelled his eyes a bottomless pit of black. The two pranced on each other with battle cries. Jasper kicked and Emmett slapped. And of course they weren't even touching each other. Laura backed away to the waiting room to find a beautiful blonde huddle under a blanket.

"Ummm… can I help you?" Laura asked till spooked by the rampaging cookie monsters. The woman looked up in agony.

"It jiggled….." She muttered over and over again.

"Not the best job selection eh Laura?" Laura smacked herself.

As Laura ran out the door she ran faced first into a heavy creature. Laura sighed in frustration. In walked a redhead, her hair was death defying.

"C-can I help you?" The blonde stuttered. The redhead nodded with a smile. Laura walked the lady into the waiting room and sat down.

"Okay what's wrong?" Laura sighed once again.

"Well let's see I keep trying to kill a girl but it's not working out. That _really _lowers my self esteem. I mean my husband just DIED for Pete's sake!" The redhead sobbed silently.

"Um why don't you try changing your hobby?"

"Oh yes instead of killing her I should get over it?"

"Exactly." Laura grinned for once.

"Hmm, maybe another time." The woman mused. Laura beat her head against the wall.

"Heaven help us all." She mumbled angrily.

A messy hair'd blonde awoke with a squeal. A grin was unknowingly plastered on her face. It was then when her green eyes shifted to the empty Root Beer bottom on her nightstand.

"Oh for the love of god…" She muttered irritated.

**FINISHED…? FIN!**

**Again keep flames to YOURSELF or PM Miku XD Yes the blonde in the blanket was Rosalie and the redhead was Victoria. Poor Laura in this story. But I like tormenting her. Yeah we have these cookie fights just about everyday XD.  
**


End file.
